"The most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched, but are felt in the heart.”

-Hellen Keller

Part of our system was built for a time when we had to survive. A strong body, beliefs (what is dangerous and what is safe?) and emotions to release fears. By working together, humans became a successful species. Tribal thinking is still imprinted in our system. If you belong to the group, then you are successful. Fall outside, then we feel unsafe. In ancient times, this was even life-threatening! Our lower brain parts are still programmed to go into fight, flight or freeze mode! In order to survive.

In present times where we are allowed to live instead of survive, other things have become important. Personal development. Life happiness. Being able to use your unique talents and maybe even spiritual connection. Ultimately, it's not your money that counts, it's your lifestyle and your relationships with others that count when it comes to health or life happiness. And the basic choice you can make in that regard is choosing fear-based beliefs or love-based beliefs.

Spiritual beings in a material world

After a period of memento mori (remember to die) in which religion preached moral values such as humanity and compassionate living, we entered a time of carpe diem (seize the day) via the scientific and industrial revolution. No longer a virtuous life for a beautiful afterlife, but a joyful enjoyment in the -here and now- became central.

But in doing so, we perhaps threw out the baby with the bathwater. Part of us still seems programmed to live our lives based on “primitive” fears. Fears that there is not enough (materialism, greed, over-eating) or that we ourselves are not enough (envy, fretting, pride, influence or even power). Ego, shareholder interest and seductive social media do not appear to be the best combination for a peaceful and sustainable earth. The media is full of frightening reports.

Listening to your heart and inspiration is (literally!) difficult in a world full of noise and tumult. And we live in a world full of temptations and choices. We have to stand our ground. After all, we have to “make a living”.

We run on a treadmill, and it takes a lot out of our health. Through too much stress (cause of illness number 1 by now) we end up in burnout or worse.

Sooner or later, the question “is this all?” arises anyway. Do I want to live or survive? Do I remain a slave to my fear-based beliefs or is there more? And the answer is yes! You can choose to live love-based. Our free time and family, once a foundation for loving togetherness is increasingly a chaotic world full of obligations. If we are lucky we find our way to a life coach or therapist, the yoga class, or to meditation and ......we become more self-aware.

The moment you become truly self-aware a choice arises

It is fair to say that this does tie into life stages. From playing and discovery to taking responsibility takes time. And the same goes for developing self-awareness. Some even manage to avoid that throughout their lives!

But when you actively seek greater health and happiness in life, a new perspective emerges. Not stuff or power, but people around you become more central. Being less dependent on others (also called co-dependency). Who are your real friends? Who are your truly helpful colleagues? Or you learn to find your inner voice and do more of what really makes you happy.

The ultimate choice

The final choice is: do I continue to unconsciously satisfy or numb my fears, or do I choose love, compassion and a hand out to others.

There is often a final hurdle to overcome. The ability and courage to set boundaries (to yourself and others) in relationships and at work. Because some people are good at receiving.

As soon as you have the courage to give space to your unique uniqueness, there will be a change to a life of less 'should' and more 'may and want'. You (happiness) becomes less dependent on others. Things are less difficult and you may discover the power of synchronicity: you see more and more clearly what is good for you and your environment, and your life seems to cooperate more and more/is entering an upward spiral. Indeed, your happiness becomes a magnet for others who are also looking for it!

The power of compassion

Both scientifically, according to the laws of logic, socially, and spiritually, compassion and humanity seems to be the choice to make. Doing so creates loving and meaningful relationships with others. Contacts become more enduring and joyful. Even your relationship with the world around you becomes more enduring. Because you see how beautiful this world actually is (beautiful in these times of climate change)!

Compassion and “together” is the answer to polarization, and me or you behavior (which is actually tribal behavior!).

But why is it still so hard to choose (self) love? To let go of your old self and be more compassionate in the world? The collapse of the house of cards of jovial (but superficial) relationships, money, power and prestige fuels old fears. Am I good enough? Will I survive? Who am I and what do I really want? Will it be luxury abandonment and a poor existence?

Nothing of the sort! At least a life full of compassion brings other kinds of 'rich' contacts. And when you devise a 'selling' model for your talents, energy flows to you. Many 'influencers' have discovered this. Like Oprah Winfrey, they interview healthy, happy and successful people to tell their passion, health or happiness 'secret'. Ok, some of those influencers try to entice you with more money, power, fancy houses or clothes or buying 'healthy or beauty making supplements and goodies'. But you learn to see through that.

If you look closely at truly happy people you will see that it is not matter or power, but rather love that is central. Buddha taught us long ago that if you can curb “desire,” a whole world will open up for you. Perhaps you have less need for a big house, nice clothes and many luxuries (travel) if you experience pleasure and happiness with your immediate environment in a loving world.

Memento Mori

In the end, that old theme of “memento mori” is not so crazy. How do you want to look back on your life and be remembered? And did you dare to embrace modesty and service, discovering that more joy came from this than from a rat race with a fancy car in front of the door?

Liberty means responsibility

Slavishly using your talents is actually a form of fear. The fear of operating the helm of your own life. But it is a choice. Who will be left if you remove your “mask”? If you dare to be vulnerable. Dare to give and take. To whom do you account for your own choices? To yourself! And for that you need 'guide lines'. Something we used to call morals?

Some find them again in faith. More young people are discovering these days that old values like the 7 virtues are really no different than being truly loving in life, which ultimately brings you more happiness in life! Praying in a church, like meditating, turns out to be a means of connecting with an inspiring world or other dimension.

But if that doesn't appeal to you as much, you can also consciously choose new life values of your own (which are likely to align with them). Listening to your body's signals. Healthy diet and adequate sleep. Looking a little less (slavishly) at your cell phone. Ultimately, the well-known “golden rule” (treat another as you would want to be treated yourself) is a great starting point!

Being loving in life, compassionate, and humble bring you health and happiness in life. You see the uniquely beautiful qualities and talents of others more clearly because you listen more and judge or even condemn less.

A great exercise that you can put to use right away: try listening more and longer and also asking longer questions to really understand others! Even with those whom you now absolutely do not understand. You will see that it is appreciated! And that your (self) insight increases at the same time. A win-win! Everyone wants to be seen and heard. To be appreciated for who they are and what they do. And to feel safe to share their feelings and emotions with you. This creates connection. After all, we are all just people.

Want to know a little more about how that works? Being compassionate in life? Then read the blog about <the power of Compassion>. A tip of the hat: start with little acts of kindness. Making a small gesture to someone in your daily life. Oprah has tips for it and you can find them on websites like the random acts of kindness foundation. Give it a try, and notice that it works immediately!

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