7Qi Coaching
@HOME
Powerful insights and articles on self-awareness in action!
On this page:
- Identify your challenge
- Empowering exersizes!
- Improve self-insight and -regulation!
- Defining your Personal Leadership
Start now and discover how it benefits you
7Qi essentials pages:
- How your body, emotions, beliefs, feelings, mind, soulvoice & inspiration work
- Characteristics & Preventing disturbances
- Related Therapy & Remedies
Via 7 imgage links on this page at section 7Qi Essentials!
Your Coaching @Home
- Bookmark this page
- Read sections on conveniant moments
- Download exercises and practice
- Journaling: monitoring your progress
Learn & practice, and discuss with your coach/therapist
Do you want:
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more inner peace, better health?
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deeper relationships and effective conflict resolution?
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sustainable life happiness?
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more inner satisfaction and a more meaningful life?
Then start now becoming more self-aware, and discover how to:
- promote self-regulation, and make more easily informed responses and decisions
- change limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs forever
- Break through system dysregulating thinking
- Forgive and let go or transform past memories
- break through pitfall behavior
- break through co-dependency (no longer letting your happiness depend on others).
- access your subconscious mind: 99.9% of your brain capacity!
- see through body trigger points, or possibly discover and process trauma
- change your own beliefsystem with neuroplasticity
Four modules, written for you
We curated 4 sections especially for you, about creating a more conscious way of living. With all you have to know about discovering limiting patterns and beliefs, how to break through them, and how to create your new self-empowerment focus and behavior. You can use direct links to the 4 sections below.
At 7Qi Coaching @HOME we believe that focus and action are key. In the sections you also also find some best practice exercises to make at home.
This is a course page with a lot of useful content. Don't forget to bookmark it so you can find it back and learn on! We used pyramid writing style so you find summaries and written content so you can learn fast
We wish you love and joy on your learning experience!
Self-awareness; your choice!
Bookmark this page now so you can continue reading at another time!
Step 1. See through & Recognize your 7Qi (cohesion).
1a. You are not what you think!
Have you ever considered that you are not what you do, what you own, where you live, or who you know? You are not even what you think or feel, nor are you your body!
You have a body, emotions, beliefs, feelings, way of thinking, inspiration and inspiration.
These are actually seven different forms of energy (7Qi) that you use and influence. And these energies influence each other! You can use them consciously or subconsciously. They can influence each other positively, but they can also “disrupt” each other (and cause pitfall behavior or even illness).
Who you are? You are self-awareness!
The observer and user of your 7Qi: body, emotions, beliefs, feelings, mindset, inspiration.
Once you are aware of this, your way of life becomes your choice.
You decide which e.g. thoughts or feelings you take seriously. Which body signals, beliefs or inner voices. Consciously because you pay attention with focus, to that which gives you energy, inner peace, and is helpful for you and others.
Where your focus goes, your energy FLOWS!
Some people seem to attract happiness, success, money, relationships or love. Others face life challenges more often. And of course, there are external factors (fate) that can give you a false start, or hit you during life.
But the right focus helps! Self-awareness creates focus. The right focus (at that moment)!
- (Self)Awareness in action - is being able, to take all of your 7Qi (your body, emotions, beliefs, feelings, thinking, soulvoice and inspiration) into account when setting goals, making decisions or acting.
1b: See through: Self-awareness in balance
In the figure below, you can see the 7Qi depicted with some of their essential (positive) characteristics.
How self-aware (in action) are you? Do you realize the power of positive and loving thoughts and beliefs? That “truth” is your truth and therefore a belief and your choice?
Thoughts influence feelings and vice versa. But you can self-consciously influence both thoughts and feelings!
Are you aware that all 7Qi are your 'instruments' and can you actually use them? You can read more about it in the Qi-essential pages !
(Non)Duality in a nutshell
What does being balanced really mean?
Have you ever heard of YinYang? That's the sign on the right. It actually means that both parts form a whole. And in the white you see a black dot, and in the black you see a white dot. Translated differently: in the good there is also something dark, and in the dark there is usually something good.
One exists and can be named because the other also exists. Also called the principle of duality. Expressed in plain language: without light there is no dark, without bad there is no good, etc.
But look especially also at the little dots in the planes: the shadow side of the good and the silverline of the less good: because too much of the good can be just not ok. And through wrong things you often discover precisely that there is also a good alternative. Or you discover that occasionally not perfect can be really healthy!
First step: be aware, you always have a choice!
You always end up in (nuances of) dualities when choosing: choice alternatives. If you choose strong and strong-willed, you don't choose weak or victimized. For happy, then not for sad. Life a great succession of choices. With perhaps moments in between (e.g. during meditation) when you can 'be' in a 'non-dual' state for a while.
One of the biggest pitfalls is that you 'merge' with one of the two options and become blind to an alternative truth that can also be helpful (see the law of FOCUS).
Actually, your 7Qi, your body, emotions, beliefs, feelings, thinking, soulvoice and inspiration is a YinYang with 7 planes! In situations, if you are self-aware, you can weigh how much weight you give to something: do I listen to the voice of my body, or more to my mind, or do I consciously let emotions run free to discharge, what does my inspiration or feeling say?
Making balanced choices means being mindful of your alternative choices as you choose. And depending on the situation, being free to consider what is helpful for you and the other person.
The "law" of focus!
The law of focus shows that we can focus in different ways. Merge, dissociate and integrate.
- Merge: You confuse focus with “being. You fuse with a thought, belief, feeling etc. and think that you are this thought, belief or feeling. But this is not true as we have already seen.
- Dissociating: When you dissociate with a thought, belief, feeling etc. you are trying to erase a thought or belief. You focus on the opposite. The trap is that you then fuse with another opposite thought, belief or feeling. We distance ourselves from the previous one and merge with the next (opposite) belief and have another blind spot.
- Integrate: When you integrate, you keep options open. You acknowledge one AND the other thought. And are free to partially merge or dissociate (integrate) depending on the situation at hand.
Self-awareness means seeing through that merging and dissociating is a form of freezing in Ego/beliefs. An assumed truth that blinds one to alternatives. That is why you work with integrating as much as possible: choosing when it is helpful, promotes empathy, and brings inner peace. And sometimes consciously not choosing.
Not choosing is also a choice!
Not choosing (implicitly or not) is also a choice! Not wanting or being able to choose is different from consciously not choosing. Not choosing can be coping behavior for inner uncertainty.
Self-consciously you know that you are choosing for that which is helpful, inner peace or joyful togetherness. Not to consume, but to experience joyful togetherness and to grow together.
Not choosing can also be a conscious choice. You do not have to have an opinion about everything or make a choice at all times. You can just say out loud “I don't have an opinion about that right now”.
An opinion is also often a judgment. Or even a condemnation. And you know self-consciously that you don't have to step into the drama triangle: complain, accuse or take “the helper” role.
(Self-) Confidence
When you are self-aware you also choose self-confidence. You trust that in that moment, in that situation, in that place, you can weigh what is the best helping belief for you.
When your confidence is damaged, it can be painful. But also instructive. Was your “expectation” really wisdom? Or can you empathize with someone who apparently cannot live up to trust? And what can you learn from a good conversation about it? Realize that it is your choice not to let that touch your confidence. You probably learned something about setting boundaries and unconditionality.
-Let go of your Ego!- we do say, but that's not quite correct. Because your choice to freely weigh and make your own choices is also an (Ego) belief!
Exercise: Consciousness
Discovering the value of 'being' with your body, feelings and emotions
Exercise: YinYang thinking
Understanding the essence of (non) duality
Exercise: Inner voices
The voice of your inspiration, intuition and gut feeling or....
Exercise: Mindless or ...?
5 Inspirational exercises
1c. Recognize if & where your 7Qi system is disrupted
Qi in imbalance (disturbed or excessively active) produces recognizable problems.
In the image below are examples of situations and behaviors indicating a disruption of your 7Qi system. Do you recognize an example in the image below? Then that Qi may be the cause of your challenge!
Then read the corresponding Qi-essential page and start increasing your self-awareness! But because of the connection, the cause may also lie elsewhere.
Three Levels of Disruption
a. Conscious limiting patterns: e.g., limiting beliefs and reasoned “condoned” trap behavior
You are more than your thoughts. Everything you have ever learned and accepted as truth forms your set of beliefs. But beware: what is true for you does not have to be true for someone else! The beauty is that you can recognize and transform conscious, limiting patterns - such as negative beliefs and reasoned excuses - into powerful, positive beliefs that move you forward.
Consciously choose self-empowering beliefs. These positive beliefs energize you and increase your life's happiness. A simple guideline? Beliefs that stem from love (such as can, appreciate, share, grant, give attention) strengthen your power and bring joy. In contrast, beliefs based on fear (such as can't, reject, jealousy, anger, control) exhaust you and often lead to feelings of guilt, shame and insecurity.
If you find that some thoughts take (too much) energy out of you, cause you to fret, are about something you cannot influence, or make you feel insecure or unpleasant, they are System Disruptive and Unhelpful Thoughts.
Once a thought turns into a belief (you think something about it, or it is your understanding, value, etc.) it is something you associate as part of you. Once that belief makes you restless, is not helpful to you or others, and is fear and not love related, it is a limiting belief.
You have the choice. Are your beliefs mostly empowering and supportive? Seeing and seeing through that is the most important step! You can learn to observe your own thoughts, beliefs or feelings and emotions. For example, with meditation: always 'seeing' that thoughts are passing by like clouds, and that you don't have to push them away (that's even counterproductive!) but that in the end they themselves just float by and you are not 'fused' with your thought.
On the page on Thinking (Qi-5) or Ego / Beliefs (Qi-3) you will find more information about obstructive thinking or beliefs.
Beliefs from this category are the easiest to reverse. Positive Psychology or positivity gurus like Tony Robbins indicate, that with discipline (which can be trained like a muscle), you can quickly achieve more in your life with your positive alternative beliefs (affirmations). In the next section, we will see that not all of your beliefs are immediately clear.
b. Subconscious limiting patterns: Subconscious limiting beliefs and fears, often with coping behaviors and triggering.
Why do you sometimes do things you don't really want to do? Maybe you recognize it: you say A, but do B. You want to live healthier, but still reach for snacks or stay up too late on social media. Or you work too hard, ignore your limits or are just too strict with yourself and cause yourself injuries when exercising.
These behaviors often stem from subconscious limiting patterns - deep-seated beliefs and fears that guide your thoughts and behaviors without you even realizing it.
Where do these patterns come from?
- Deep within you(w DNA and configuration) live old “fears” that you are afraid to face. Fear of danger or dying, or related too much energy consumption or no food or not being accepted by your 'tribe'. Useful when a tiger could still be around the corner. But now fears can drive you to compensatory thoughts or (coping) behaviors. Your brain is made to think thoughts of risk and danger faster than thoughts of relaxation and love. But whether you take those thoughts seriously is your self-conscious choice!
- You may also find clues in your attachment pattern. We have a whole page of explanations and articles devoted to it! There is a 50% chance that you recognize yourself (or someone else) in one of the 3 insecure attachment styles. Behaviors and beliefs stemming from your upbringing and later relational experiences. Once you understand this, there is a good chance that you will better understand obstructive patterns in yourself (or a partner, colleague or friend). For example, fear of commitment or abandonment, pleasing, over-performing out of fear, or being achievement-oriented and/or narcissism.
- Later in life you have hidden away, rather than processed, unpleasant feelings. By seeking distraction, re-entering a relationship or looking for another job, for example. That sometimes works but usually doesn't. Unprocessed feelings and emotions, linked to memories are then released at “trigger moments. Something that reminds you of those unpleasant things comes along. In a movie or book, during a conversation or just spontaneously in your head. Processing and letting go is a better idea. We'll get into that in step 2.
Recognize your triggers and coping behaviors Triggers can be signals of underlying beliefs. Perhaps a comment from a colleague affects you more than you want, or a scene in a movie unexpectedly brings you to tears. By becoming aware of these reactions, you gain insight into what is going on beneath the surface.
Beliefs and behaviors from this category are less easy to break. But awareness of these patterns is a hugely important first step, and change is possible! Breaking through then requires step 2. And guidance from a therapist or coach can be helpful.
c. Frozen obstructive patterns: Trauma (frozen emotions), system illness and personality disorders.
Causes of Trauma and (chronic) illnesses are even more difficult to surface (see also the page on Emotions & Trauma (Qi-2) and articles on systemic illnesses and breaking insecure attachment).
Recognizing chronic physical illness is not very difficult (e.g., Covid Hauler, Lyme, Q-Fever, Fibromyalgia, hypersensitivity, brain fog, sleep problems, irritable bowel, etc.). Determining a personality disorder is already more complicated. And being able to relate underlying beliefs or frozen emotions to trauma is a skill in itself.
You yourself may intuitively have an idea what your illness or trauma might be related to. Causes can also be known or just repressed memories and emotions around external factors from the past such as violence, cheating, abuse, overly stressful moments, or high stress sensitivity, a virus or a combination of all of those. And there may be hereditary factors.
Again, triggering can possibly provide clues. Sudden flight, over emotional temper, seizures or just freezing in your behavior based on a trigger (Limbic System Impairment) upon seeing certain images or hearing a sound can point to origins of your trauma and subconscious and repressed beliefs and fears.
Essence of suppression and even fusion with body is that your brain finds it too painful to bring the cause to the surface.
'Just' figuring out what is going on or what can be broken is therefore usually not an issue. Step 2 is definitely needed for insight and breaking through/reversal. Specialized therapeutic counseling is usually necessary.
Getting Started!
Practice with the exercises below to break through limiting beliefs and empower yourself with thoughts that empower you. Your growth begins here!
Exercise: Empowerment!
Recognize your beliefs in the list of common limiting beliefs and choose your affirmation!
Exercise: Challenges!
Recognize your pitfalls and allergies in the list of core qualities and choose your challenges!
Exercise: Coping!
Recognize your ineffective coping in the list and translate into empowering beliefs!
1d. 7Qi Essentials pages.
Want to invest further in Seeing Through and Recognizing (Step 1)?
Choose one of the Qi page link images below. For each page you will discover:
- characteristics of the Qi in question
- pitfalls and disturbances
- therapy (forms)
Step 2 . Process and break through
Adjust or let go of what doesn't serve you
Some limiting beliefs or pitfall behaviors can be adjusted or released fairly easily.
But if just adopting a new belief and changing your mindset and consciousness were that easy, most coaches, therapists, retreat organizers, and well-known inspirers would be out of work! And then a coaching session would quickly be over as seen in this well-known fun therapy cult video “stop it.”
Asking yourself helpful questions
As you read in step 1c, the “level” of disruption can vary quite a bit. Deeply ingrained or even subconscious beliefs take more energy to adjust. But it can be done!
By becoming aware of your own (trigger) reactions, you gain insight into what is going on under the surface. Ask yourself:
- STOP STOP
- What is triggering my thought or emotions right now?
- Is this relevant right now or am I letting the past hold me hostage?
- Are my beliefs and memories really true?
- Who am I when I let go of them?
- Forgive myself and others because that's the way it was then?
- What stops me from changing?
- What empowering beliefs serve me more?
- How do I let go of old limiting beliefs and embrace new empowering beliefs in my system?
Your perhaps most important tool for processing and breaking through is: neuroplasticity!
The Power of Neuroplasticity!
Your brain and nervous system are not a static organ - it is flexible and always evolving. This ability to change is called neuroplasticity. It means that your brain can make new connections and modify existing patterns, no matter your age.
Whether you want to learn a new habit, break an old pattern or increase your mental resilience, your brain and nervous system is capable of change.
How do you change preferential nerve pathways?
Preferential nerve pathways are the automatic routes your brain follows, such as ingrained habits or thought patterns. By consciously practicing and repeating new thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, you can rewrite these pathways. Think of creating a new walking path in a forest: the more often you walk it, the clearer it becomes. Important here is consistency and patience, discipline and perseverance!
How long does it take?
Research shows that it takes an average of 21 to 66 days to form a new habit, depending on its complexity and your commitment (Lally et al., 2009). The more often you walk a new path, the stronger it becomes. Research on neuroplasticity and trauma interventions suggests that at least six months to two years of consistent therapy/practice may be needed to break deep-seated patterns and regulate the nervous system (Davidson & McEwen, 2012; Porges, 2011).
Every conscious choice brings you closer to lasting change - your brain was made to grow, and you have the power to direct that growth.
Your motivation counts!
Ultimately, it's about your self-empowerment, your inner belief that you and no one else is at the wheel of your life and your change. If you start doing neuroplastic exercises (e.g. combining affirmations about new empowering beliefs in combination with feeling exercises) and you don't really believe in them, or 'maybe a little' then the effect will be different than if you do your exercises daily with dedication, discipline and motivation! Placebo? Programming? It works! Take advantage of it!
What does that change look like?
Essentially by repeating powerful positive beliefs (aka affirmations). Daily, at least 20 minutes (4*5 or 2*10 may also do) but half an hour to an hour is optimal.
Use your exercises from step 1! Repeat your empowering beliefs from your exercises daily.
In addition to thinking, try to recall the corresponding feeling in yourself. How do I feel, for example, when I am decisive, setting limits, loving, empathic, healthy, etc.? If necessary, make body gestures and repeat them.
What about your old beliefs?
One of the special features is that your focus on new positive beliefs is most important, and you don't push away or try to forget unpleasant things but automatically begin to attach less importance to them. You also let go of any related fears (who am I without this trauma?) more easily. There are simply fewer nerve paths leading to these memories. And thus you can eventually process and release them more easily. How? You can read it below.
So learn new empowering beliefs with affirmations, revisit old beliefs after a while and let go.
Important to know when processing and breaking through!
Of course you can always see through and change! But do it responsibly.
If your body is sick, or if you don't trust your own system, with symptoms such as depression, despondency, overtiredness, anger attacks, self-harm, neglect, or if others are well-meaning in advising you to seek help, it is always advised to consult your family doctor or other health care professional.
Never just stop prescribed medication, and get advice on substance abuse (such as supplements, neuro stimulators, cold water baths or microdosing). Especially in combination with medications.
Discover and Transform Your Subconscious Beliefs
Did you know that only 1-5% of your thoughts are conscious? The other 95-99% takes place in your subconscious - where limiting beliefs and patterns may be hidden. By exploring these unconscious layers, you can access deeper insights and transform limiting beliefs.
Your brain works in different frequencies. In an active, waking state, fast (beta) waves dominate, while slower waves (such as alpha and theta) are active during relaxation, meditation or just before and after your sleep. It is precisely in this “daydreaming” state that you are more connected to your subconscious, allowing deeply stored memories and beliefs to surface.
How do you access your subconscious? Moments of relaxation - such as meditation, daydreaming, listening to soothing music, or even showering - offer a natural entry point. Methods like hypnotherapy, EMDR and guided meditations can also help you uncover and change impeding patterns.
Write down your insights. Keep a journal to record and examine associations and thoughts. Ask yourself questions such as: “Why do I think or feel this?” By recognizing and reframing these beliefs, you can transform them step by step into positive, empowering thoughts.
Behind superficial beliefs often lie deeper, emotionally charged core beliefs - such as “I'm not good enough” or “I'm not worthy of being loved.” Start by recognizing smaller beliefs and gradually work toward the core so that you can create lasting change from a deeper layer.
You have the power to rewrite your subconscious and live more freely.
Avoid pitfall behavior when breaking your patterns
With insecure attachment, there is a risk that you use working on reinforcement not to help but rather to over-compensate. “If only I do my best I can be there” (anxious/anxious attachment), ‘I flee into new beliefs’ (fleeing avoidant attachment), ‘I am so brilliant that I see through all of this’ (narcissistic avoidant attachment).
Remember; an empowering belief is helpful, and gives inner peace (reduces your fight/flight/freeze response).
For the anxiously attached: I get to take my peace, I don't have to prove anything, I'm good enough.
For the avoidant attached: I don't need to flee, I can trust, I am safe.
For the narcissistic ambivalent avoider: I do not need to prove myself (at the expense of others), I am worthy of being loved without achievement or prestige, I am good enough.
The art of forgiving and letting go.
Often the question comes up: ok, you embrace new beliefs, but how do you let go of the 'old' ones? First of all, don't ignore them but give them less attention and charge (less neural pathways) by 'doing' your empowering beliefs/affirmations daily!
But besides that, processing letting go is a beautiful thing. Actually, it is more transforming into something new than actually letting go.
By forgiving yourself (and another) (you and the other were at that time, in that place and situation with the wisdom of the time only able to do it that way. Because it went that way. Both bound by patterns at that time.
But now you have different insights and patterns. You forgive yourself and the other, are even grateful for your learning experience, love life and let it go! When you think about it, you experience compassion and love for yourself (and if you can, for the other person as well).
Perhaps shaking your hands, breathing out vigorously or a release will help with letting go. Or a ceremony of your own. For example, writing your story and forgiveness to the other person and burning your letter with incense and burying the ashes or carrying them through a river.
Remember to put a smile on your face and feelings of love for yourself and the other person! That reinforces neuroplastic change patterns!
And then? Full attention again to your empowering beliefs! And add a new one: “old beliefs, guilt, shame or blame, (or better yet ‘IT’) is forgiven and ok.
Think in terms of -AND -AND- but keep it up
There is such a thing as mind->body work (e.g. affirmations, mental therapy, mental exercises, mindfulness) and body -> mind work (e.g. massages, yoga, meditation, HRV breath work). To make an impact in processing and releasing or reversing, the combination is best for deeply nested long-term patterns. For example, a course of combined EMDR therapy, massages and cognitive coaching can have great impact.
But not always, or all at once, and for years! That is not sustainable and increases the risk of identification with illness and victimization. Better to try one or a few things, and if that doesn't work for you, something else later.
Refer to “it or something” and not to I or my
You are not sick, you may have or notice illness symptoms. You are not an over-worker; you may sometimes have urges to work too long or too much. Do you notice the difference? Don't identify and fuse with limiting beliefs, but observe them. That makes observing and changing your beliefs into empowering beliefs and behaviors easier.
Above all, do not place yourself in a long-term patient, (on) complainer or victim role. That as such is already negative programming of yourself! Focus on small progress. On being allowed to grow throughout your life.
Also put “healing” or “improving yourself” on hold from time to time, and have new experiences! And realize that wanting to do too many things for personal growth can also be a trap of a limiting belief (I never end up doing it well enough, I'm not ok, it always has to be better etc.).
Even in trauma and chronic disease, neuroplasticity works
For trauma, combination of neuroplasticity exercises with bodywork is wise. It works faster and with more impact. Trauma therapy is a profession. First and perhaps most important step is to find professional and experienced counseling that you really trust and dare to be vulnerable with. Where you have time together (not therapists' half-hour sessions).
Realize that unsafe attachment from childhood is also a form of (developmental) trauma. Therefore, inner beliefs associated with insecure attachment are also often layered and deep. Separation anxiety, pleasing, over-performing, or just and bonding anxiety, a degree of narcissism, withdrawal behavior or flatness of emotions.
50% of us are insecurely attached! So chances are you or someone you care about and/or work with is experiencing (one or some of) these hindering patterns.
Sometimes it takes many years or takes burnout or systemic illness (see below) or your whole life before it becomes clear to you that you are struggling with them. But neuroplasticity works here, too. Read practical things you can do in the 7Qi article on attachment or separation anxiety, or dive more in depth with the 7Qi article on breaking through insecure attachment.
Also with chronic systemic diseases (such as lung Covid, Lyme, Fibromyalgia, PDS (irritable bowel syndrome), overstimulation or hypersensitivity to substances, Asthma) there is perspective on (a degree of) healing, according to scientific research. And neuroplasticity works there too: seeing through unsafe attachments, discovering and reversing limiting beliefs! Releasing and processing things. You can read more about it in this 7Qi article on the SYRE-method.
Also highly recommended is the DNRS-Retrain the brain digital program in which you use a 9 step plan to use neuroplasticity to restore your “Lymbic System Impairment”. Scientifically followed progress and with demonstrable results (from full to partial recovery!). Count on 6 months to 2 years, one hour a day (possibly divided into time periods) actively doing your exercises.
Step 3. Choose consciously!
Choosing is more than avoiding pitfalls and reversing limiting beliefs
So far, we have looked at old (limiting) patterns that no longer serve you. And precisely how to move from handicaps and pitfalls to challenges and new positive beliefs. We already indicated this in Step 1 to focus on reinforcement and not on hindrance/traps. Keep doing it! Turn obstacles into challenges and empowerment!
Ignoring or pushing away obstructive beliefs, pitfall behaviors, attachment patterns and unexpected bad memories or trauma does not make sense. Sooner or later you will meet your “demons. You don't learn from them. And it costs tons of energy. For you and for everyone around you!
But choosing is more than avoiding or reversing. Self-aware choosing is choosing what makes you happy, gives you energy, but also inner peace, what fits into your life mission, helping you and others.
Choose listening to understand!
Listening is an art! Many people listen to respond, not to understand. In no time we judge, or even condemn! Not very helpful. Not only to others but certainly not to yourself! The way to promote your self-awareness is first to listen, then (self)consciously choose what is helpful, brings peace, passion or joy.
With (far) judging you freeze your own observing & judgment flexibility!
Therefore, consciously choose to listen for as long as possible. To your inner voices of your body, your beliefs, your sensations, feelings, emotions. And certainly to those of others. Listen, ask questions, listen again and check your understanding ("if I understand you correctly you say .... you feel .... ”). The golden rule is:
I listen to understand and defer judgments.
3a. Choose Aware: “Compassion is your way to go!”
The Power of Compassion!
If you are truly self-aware you realize that compassion, empathizing with what you can mean to others, with what others need and actively extending your hand, is the best and also a better option than all fear-related life goals (power, prestige, (eat, sex and continuous travel) lust, greed/consumption/material things, pride, numbness or loafing). These at most produce temporary pleasure, seldom true happiness but always ultimately shame, blame or guilt, boredom or sorrow!
Love-based compassion: with focus on empathy and needs and an active attitude you can:
- Altruistic view: can you do something for family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, refugees or other needy groups? Perhaps unsolicited? Voluntarily? Maybe just by listening and an understanding ear, and not judging or condemning. And did you know that giving is easier than receiving for most? And that just balance is important. Because you too receive! Just by giving! You create a Win-Win situation. You keep a great feeling and it also gives you new insights. It is not for nothing that all world religions include compassion, reaching out to your fellow man, as an important value. It is for love and lasting happiness in life.
- A passionate (business) perspective: did you know that empathizing with what people need and drive, and responding to that self-consciously and actively, is precisely the basis for any successful business model? By seeing what you, with your specific talents and skills can do for others, it also becomes clear what you can do business-wise. People can and want to pay for it! As a self-employed person or in the form of a salary/compensation for your efforts.
Which, because it aligns with your personality, talents and life goals also produces lasting passion and life happiness for you! Maybe you know it. That nice feeling when you eat at a restaurant where cooking is done with passion and love, or that inspiring feeling of someone doing or delivering something with passion and inspiration.
Any business that is no longer focused on the needs of its customers, but only on financial gain or power, may provide temporary happiness and pleasure (pleasure) (at the expense of people, the environment and itself), but will eventually go under.
(Com)Passion and inspiration brings reciprocity; joy, appreciation and mutual growth and gratitude. With you and with your clients/colleagues and with your environment.
3b. Choose Consciously: Shaping Personal Leadership
Dimensions of personal leadership:
Are you at the helm / steering wheel of your own life or are you allowing yourself to be?
Personal leadership is consciously connecting being, wanting, being able and doing (self and other).
It is useful to know some terms (so you can gain further insight into this and thus become more self-aware). The picture on the right summarizes them.
After taking steps 1 and 2, you can choose to fulfill your personal leadership unhindered by limiting beliefs or behaviors.
In the picture you see yourself sitting in a vehicle. You are the driver who has the steering wheel and can drive independently and self-confidently on your life path. With in your own vehicle your own values as inner compass, and talents as power source (for development of your skills). With your skills you can do concrete things, the actual driving! Your drives are the forces that turn your engine in your vehicle or not! Driving force for your journey! Your motivation and appropriate goals and actions determine what you want and do now and later, thus where you want to go and (how you) drive. That which attracts and stimulates you. But your handicaps cause actions that do not align with your conscious driving direction, or even produce barricades that alter or disrupt your ride.
Self-awareness of all these dimensions allows you to consciously shape personal leadership. Your BEING, WILLING, CANING and DOING align with each other and with each other (and therefore others). That gives energy, (self)love, happiness in life and a sense of purpose.
Below you will find an exercise to gain more insight into who you are, what you want, what you can and what you do. You can download the exercise (select print/pdf in your browser and save) and work with it in the coming period.
Exercise: Choosing
Fulfilling your personal leadership!
Multiple 'truths' about personal leadership
There are several definitions about personal leadership. The essence remains being self-aware about “me-the other-and it” and making conscious choices in the process. There are many views on how best to give form to this. This is because the dimensions described above can have different accents.
But ultimately it is about your personal uniqueness in relation to others, and what you consciously do with that. Being able to be authentic and be appreciated (by yourself and others) for who you are, what you feel and what you do.
A well-known example for personal leadership are “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. A classic. Especially if your focus is on being “highly effective.
But of course there are other focus points (e.g. going through life loving or with compassion). Although you can 'translate' Covey's model to those as well.
Powerful addition to the model is to pay attention to being proactive and actively tuning in to others in addition to having self-insight.
3c. Awareness of your choices
Awareness of your lifestyle & 7Qi life choices
Another lens to look at your self-awareness is awareness of your lifestyle & life choices. Do you continue to live an old fear-based lifestyle? Power, prestige, consumerism (houses, cars, etc.), or things at the expense of others? Or do you dare to choose a love-based lifestyle? Using your passion and talents and skills to mean something to others. Experience gratitude in being allowed to work with your passion, and from your clients who experience your love and passion in your contribution!
Having an overview of what to choose, what you want, and what you actually choose. Because the only constant in life is change, and life consists of choices all the time.
And all of your 7Qi offer choice focus opportunities for balanced and sustainable growth: a healthy body, types of education, work (form), healthy ways of expressing emotions and discharging energy, building a compassionate self-image, doing with (com)passion what makes you happy and what others appreciate, the kind of life-partner relationship you want, types of friendships, saying goodbye to toxic friendships, the way you further shape your mental development, types of inspiration you seek, and most importantly.... walking the path of life with self-chosen and completed meaning!
We have put together a whole page of explanatory articles on lifestyle and life choices for you.
Step 4. Practice and experience!
Growing pains and working hard
These are not just words. Those are words of people who have gone before you! Because growing can hurt. Falling down and getting up. Learning. Continuing but now better. And falling and getting up again. But eventually you notice that your path is also your destination! It is precisely growing (self)consciousness that turns out to make your life worth living when you look back on your life and maybe even after your life!
Change is the only constant in life: so is your change! Again and again. Refining your personal leadership. Keep discovering and breaking your limiting patterns and discovering new ones, and breaking them again. But with focus and self-awareness you grow consciously on your life path.
And processing (of setbacks) is also real work! Letting go as well as learning and growing is work. Repeating empowering affirmations daily for months, making new contacts, having new experiences. New life adventure. It better be fun! Are your personal affirmations hanging on your refrigerator? And have you already done your letting go ritual?
Growing Takes Time
Neuroplasticity practice and breaking patterns takes time and practice. For common beliefs and things you want to change it can take 2 months, 4*10 minutes daily. For deeper patterns that also involve your emotions it takes 6 months and for breaking through (developmental) trauma and unsafe attachment or the reduction to total healing of systemic diseases 6 months to 2 years.
Yes you read correctly, doing your affirmations daily over a long period of time. But it works! It takes discipline, but discipline grows and after a few weeks it's a habit! Others have gone before you (successfully), so you can do it too!
Don't delay but start now!
If you haven't yet done the 3 important exercises at step 2 about limiting beliefs, pitfall behaviors, and turning coping behaviors into empowering beliefs, you can go back to the exercises now by clicking the button below. Create your own empowering affirmation list and start your routine today:
If at step 3 you have not yet done the assignment on completing your personal leadership (norms & values, talents & skills, motivations, goals and actions), you will find the assignment via the button below
Do the work! And inspire (yourself and others)
Once upon a time, inspiring examples such as e.g. Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King, gave speaches on nonviolence. And in fact, as victims of violence, they became role models for many. George Washington was the first president of the United States (1789-1797). But Abraham Lincoln often gets more attention. This is mainly because of the enormous impact he had. Abolition of slavery and a great moral compass: he emphasized freedom, equality and democracy - ideals that deeply shaped American identity. He too became a victim of attack. But the impact of his self-aware inspiration, his “soulprint,” remained. The assassins proved uninspiring and were quickly forgotten.
Was their life easy? No, but they were driven and felt their lives were their mission, with and for others! But you don't usually see the path they took to achieve this. Sharpening a personal vision, communicating, convincing, plan and direction. Passion and inspiration. Overcoming setback after setback. It didn't come easy but they were self-aware by asking themselves and others questions. Trying, testing, improving, growing. “You have to do what you have to do,” actually means: know your life mission, make conscious choices and "do the work.
Well not all of us are historical heroes and we don't have to be. But by doing your exercises, daily, learning and growing for 15 minutes each time, and when you see it through, by making compassion your life “compass,” you are inspiring yourself and others. In any life role. Caring at home, or working and caring outside the home. We wish you much self-awareness and personal growth, happiness in life and above all (self)love!
Remember:
- Practice, practice, practice
- Neuroplasticity works!
- Choose compassion
- Dare to live and don't let yourself live!
Finally
After reading the self-awareness pages, do you feel you could use support? Then find a coach or therapist! An investment you can enjoy for a lifetime. Unfortunately, a coaching program at 7Qi practice for coaching is not possible at the moment. But you can apply the ‘approach’ yourself (or with another coach or therapist).
Finally, two comments:
- it is important to point out again that being overly concerned with self-awareness as such does not make you happy! In fact, it will even make you depressed! Alternating between learning and doing! (FLOW) is important. Experience! To dare! Be allowed to learn and sometimes make mistakes.
- Sometimes the choice is made between doers and nay-sayers. That is very black and white in our opinion. You can do self-consciously! That does not mean 'slavishly' doing what others say and want. But choosing what makes you happy and what others need as well. And that usually means saying no to certain things (but of course not to all things!). That's the last thing we can tell you here about self-awareness.
