7Qi Essentials: Qi 3 - Ego / Beliefs
What you really need to know about the workings of your Ego/beliefs and how other Qi affect your beliefs.
Topics:
1. What is your Ego?
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- Beliefs, “freezing” your changing reality
- Helpful and limiting beliefs
- Norms and values
- Ego and (non)duality
- Life is making choices
- Spiritual ego
2. Energetic meanings/functions of your Ego
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- Materializing
- Fear & uncertainty reduction/control
- Group feeling (“belonging”)
- Communication basis
3. Symbolic meanings/functions Ego Qi
4. Disruption of ego & blockage
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- Excessive Ego energy
- Weak Ego energy
- Unbalanced Ego energy
5. Therapy
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- General therapy forms
- Integrative therapy
1. What is Ego?
Beliefs, “freezing” temporary changing reality
Ego is your self-image and your view of the world around you. Your beliefs, your subjective reality. Everything behind “I am ....” or “the world around me is ....” is ego. Your illusionary view of unchanging things or beliefs. But change is the only constant in life!
But we are not what we believe ourselves to be. We are not what we own, do or what others say of us. We have feelings, we have beliefs, thoughts, we have a body, we have emotions, but we are not what we think or feel. We are not even our body. We can observe our body. We are aware that we have a body. But we are or have more than that. Your body is constantly changing. The little child you saw in the mirror is very different from the body you see now.
We sometimes use the term Ego with a negative connotation (referring to stubbornness or conceit of some people). But without Ego, you would not exist on planet earth. It is the “fusing” (clumping, coagulating) force (energy) that formed your body (material Qi) and soul (a form of spiritual "ego" Qi).
In an Ego-oriented society, fear, power and materialism (having things) play an important role. The focus is “Me versus the other” (instead of Me and the other together).
Your “frozen” beliefs of others are also your ego. Your judgments and condemnations are a projection of your ego about others. Not necessarily true (is that annoying manager at home the same? or was he allways like that? or can a person change again?).
Eventually you will discover that you just “are” (self-aware “be-ing”). Everything we put behind “I am ....” is a choice. Is something we choose to do or identify with. But it is not a truth as such. I am a carpenter. Maybe you have the skills, but you could have chosen another profession. I am happy or unhappy. Well, always? I am superior. Always? Ego causes self-fulfilling prophecies as soon as you put the word if, because or so ... after it. I am poor because.... I have had too little love so ..... You start aligning your behavior with your belief which causes you to perpetuate it.
Beliefs (ego) are tools that help us understand and deal with the world.
Helpful and limiting beliefs
Ego can be both very helpful and dysfunctional. Once we judge ego (as good or bad) we project Ego onto Ego (because we use standards to value “something”). Beliefs can help you, but they can also get in the way of your (or others') life's happiness. We call these respectively helping or hindering beliefs.
Ultimately, love-based beliefs (e.g., beliefs around sharing, togetherness, respect, unconditionality) are helpful and fear-based beliefs (power, status, money, lust, laziness) are always hindering in the long run. (Fear of losing it or actual loss).
In a sense, every belief is limiting. It hinders you in that moment from seeing the good of the alternative belief. And you hinder yourself when you have destructive beliefs. You are fused with your belief and dissociated from the alternative belief. Integrating between your belief and an alternative/opposite belief offers more possibilities! (see heading duality). Eg. Beliefs can help you find acceptance within a group but at the same time hinder you from finding acceptance outside that group.
Discovering (your) ego can be fun (and surprising). But also very confusing and uncomfortable. Once you see through and let go of your (limiting) beliefs, you can feel very insecure. Ego gave you the illusion of control. When we define things, we have a kind of anchor point. But by discovering the illusion, this anchor point disappears. If I am not what I thought I am, who or what am I? Everything that gave you confidence and comfort seems to disappear at first.
Known limiting beliefs are:
- Assuming and interchanging 'parent' and 'child' roles: being pedantic to others or taking on too many responsibilities (parent role) or just insecure or always putting yourself away. Often we jump from one 'role' to the other. While acting as an 'adult' (everyone has their own responsibilities and learning points) can be helpful. Transactional analysis helps you see through this to address your subconscious fears that cause it.
- Drama triangle behavior: three roles together form a 'drama' triangle: accuser, savior and victim. This behavior follows compensatory beliefs/co-dependency (I'm not good enough, I have to be the best to be valued as a human being, if I don't help I'm not worthy enough) and often we slip from one role into another. News broadcasting if full of drama triangle behavior examples!
Norms and values
Values are the ideals and principles that seem important for us (for example, honesty, respect, or caring). Norms are the concrete rules or expectations that come from those values (for example, “You must not lie” (comes from the value honesty), “You let someone speak up before you speak yourself” (comes from the value respect), “You help others in need” (comes from the value caring).
Norms and values are also beliefs. And usually temporary. Your beliefs can change (temporarily). For example, with a white lie, interrupting someone who talks too much, or not being able to help others in need because of your situation.
They are your “yardstick” to “judge” or “condemn” your perceptions with. And thus the opposite of love that is unconditional.
As long as a law holds, a standard can make sense. (For example, overcome gravity with certain shape/weight norms and be able to fly!)
But often we err and a “truth” stored by us turns out not to be a “law”. Money does not necessarily make you happy, nor does the 'true' partner you found, the perfect house, or enough power or freedom to do your thing.
Ego and (non)duality
We live in a world of time, space and matter. There the law of duality prevails: The totality of opposites. Without good there is no wrong or evil and vice versa. Without nice no unpleasant. Without ugly no beautiful. Without poor no rich. Think about it calmly. Everything you think exists has an opposite!
Long ago the symbol of yin-yang was coined for this. This symbol even indicates that in one the other also exists (the white dot in the black and vice versa). An example: something can be tasty but there is also something not tasty in it (e.g., if you just eat a lot or even too much of it).
Time: what is true today may not be true tomorrow. Or what was true yesterday may be different today. Your beliefs from your childhood, adolescence or working adult state are bound to be (partially) different from those in late adulthood.
Space: what is here for you may be there for someone else. Even the universe is expanding at more speed than light! Energy are waves that are also constantly changing.
Matter: what exists materially today may be gone tomorrow. Wealth and poverty can disappear (and you don't take it with you after you die anyway). Loved ones disappear. Even cities that existed thousands of years ago have disappeared. And something more subtle: your place to live is also constantly changing.
Change is the only constant in this world. Everything is always changing, and the degree to which you can deal with change largely determines your life's happiness!
Nonduality is the idea that everything is essentially one and that the apparent separation between self and world is an illusion. All energy is interconnected so in a sense you are part of a greater whole. Seeing through that produces a different state of being!
But nonduality is hardly possible on this earth (perhaps in a state of meditation). Although nonduality always exists you usually make continuous choices between dualities, or you alternate between them, also called pulsing. That's what your body does all the time, too. Constantly seeking equilibrium with changing circumstances. And also your body gets sick when the balance is disturbed.
Life is making choices and reacting to the consequences
The life of your Ego consists of making choices (within dual choices at that (!) moment or nuances thereof). Not choosing, by the way, is also an (implicit) choice!)
Choosing one side automatically means ignoring the other side. We tend to identify with our choices. We merge with them or merge into them. Continuing to oversee the whole produces more choice possibilities. Until we discover again that what we thought was the whole turns out to be yet another part of a larger whole.
By focusing on one, bringing our attention to it, we automatically become blind to the other alternative. In the now, as we experience, we can perceive more clearly if we are not attached to the “wrong focus” of a belief.
Integrating things or trusting that we can always make the best choices in the moment gives space. We can observe more widely and fully and have the most choices if we trust that in any situation we will have the wisdom to choose what is right for us or others. And not choosing is also an (implicit) choice.
As we learn, we can change our choices. Distance ourselves from them and embrace (merge into) another choice. Once we learn to integrate (e.g., through self-forgiveness, admitting that time and situation can cause other choices) we can process and release connected limiting beliefs (of pride, shame, guilt, victimhood, etc.).
It is fear that usually causes us to hold on to a choice or belief. What if I let go of this belief? The ego is afraid that it will then dissolve. (Read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle). But in letting go is often actually part of your solution!
Spiritual Ego
There is also “spiritual ego". By claiming to have 'true wisdom,' (about love or a spiritual world) you may be stuck in spiritually limiting beliefs that you are different or superior, others are wrong, victims of materialism or power.
You think you can define “truth. Many 'spiritually-ego' inspired people today communicate and post their wisdom on the Internet. 'Embrace love, meditate' or 'before I saw the light I was ...'. In fact, they say, 'I was wrong, now I am good' or implying 'You are not ok the way you are, you have to conform to my values and beliefs' etc.. To my view of spirituality and love'. That is what 'I' grant you.
Some 'spiritually oriented people' confuse love, unconditionality and spirituality with image. Wearing certain clothes, taking yoga or meditation classes, getting together with like-minded people, talking a lot about feelings and performing certain rituals (for example, hugging, cuddling or certain language).
Postponing judgments or not judging allows you to observe better and more broadly! It can be nice to give good advice, but you can also choose to listen to what people (or your own brain) say and observe actions. Are these really based on love (connecting, unconditionality) and compassion, or otherwise motivated? And what about my own beliefs and behaviors?
Ego, after all, is one of the 7 human forms of energy. A “hold” for your brain to make sense of something.
2. Energetic meanings/functions of Ego
Ego manifests (behaviors). Your fear-based beliefs such as (the need for) power and influence, greed (e.g., clothes or a house or always wanting more), neediness (for others, things, situations) but also your love-based beliefs such as unconditionality, sharing, and being good to your environment are your “reality” and starting point for your behavior. As you begin to behave in line with these beliefs, the likelihood that others will see you that way and manifest in line with your beliefs increases.
Ego materializes. You can use it to define and acquire material things. Your behavior can produce results (a healthy or unhealthy body, way of dressing, a car, house, money or even your partner or 'friends' who are attracted to your behavior). By “owning” (energy), you influence or depend on the energy of others.
In addition, you create a fictional truth so that you can get a grip in a chaotic energetic world that is constantly changing. If you judge something as healthy or unhealthy you can adjust your behavior accordingly. Naming someone as kind or compassionate creates trust.
As soon as you name “like-minded” people, a sense of group is created. A sense of belonging or not belonging somewhere. Someone with different beliefs may be a wonderful person, but you may still choose to keep this person at a distance because of beliefs.
And ultimately, naming things is the basis for communicating with each other. Talking to someone else about it creates an image. Language and semiotics is flawed, but it provides guidance for sharing ideas and beliefs.
3. Symbolic meanings/functions Ego Qi
The number of possible associations with Ego is infinite. Some commonly used meanings:
(self) Empowerment: standing in your power, not cutting yourself down.
Setting boundaries: defining yourself (me) and the other in terms of norms, values and beliefs, and thereby defining boundaries. But you can also define boundaries that are essential to you.
Courage: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but overcoming it.” - Nelson Mandela. In other words, daring to step over beliefs (your own Ego).
Influence and power: Once your environment believes your beliefs, or even adopts them (or votes for you as a representative) you have influence. As a result, your environment may trust you to exercise authority over others (power). And thereby perhaps even further increase your influence.
Choices and Acceptance: every belief involves a (dual) choice. You choose to follow your belief.
Over-empowerment: boasting, arrogance or saying or manifesting things that you impose on others.
Not being spiritual: in a sense, a belief as a choice between dualities is the opposite of unconditionality and merging into the together, greater whole or even the AL. In infinite creativity and diversity.
Being realistic: concrete and demonstrable based on norms and values can be seen as realistic (of course, this does not mean that it is actually so).
4. Disruption of ego & blockage
A “disturbance” of Ego Qi-3 can mean excessive Ego energy, weak Ego energy or unbalanced Ego energy.
One cause is attachment problems/trauma. Due to anxious parents or just strong ego-driven behavior of parents or untrustworthy behavior of parents (alternately loving and anxious/angry/aggressive or absence) a wrong “set-up” has been created: individuality (Ego) of the child is not developed or conditionally. A child behaves as a parent, starts pleasing or withdraws. As a result, no own authentic identity is built or a compensatory identity.
Other causes lie in disturbances of other Qi: physical disabilities, emotion disturbance or trauma, hypersensitivity or just feeling disturbance/hardening, brooding, intellectual disabilities and memory problems, weak inspiration or disturbance of inspiration.
Excessive Ego energy:
Pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy or laziness (the so-called “7 sins” are fear-driven and blind love).
Polarizing and excluding people/groups. Dogma and condemnation.
Irresponsibility and abuse.
Egocentricity selfishness or narcissism.
Money drive, achievement drive, or excessive competitive behavior.
Theatrical behavior
Compulsive behavior, collecting drive, hoarding behavior, feeder
Addiction problems (insecurity or suppressing unpleasant feelings and emotions)
Obsessive behavior
Weak Ego Energy
Note that often weak Ego energy is masked by 'make-believe Ego' or 'compensatory Ego': behavior of 'excessive Ego energy' is displayed to hide the insecurity and anxiety of the actual Ego. Beneath power, authoritarian behavior, drama triangle behavior ('wise guy' 'victim' or 'helper's urge'), bullying, challenging, materialism (e.g. expensive clothes, expensive travel, big car) then hides a very insecure person (in terms of identity). There is little authentic behavior, and instead co-dependent behavior from insecurity about one's own identity (beliefs, values & norms).
Compensatory behavior and co-dependency (self-image dependent on others: if I .... then I can be there/ matter) & pleasing.
Pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy or laziness (the so-called “7 sins” are fear-driven) as compensatory behaviors.
Uncertainty
Alter ego/second personality set up to disguise inner insecurity (conscious & unconscious masking behavior)
Trying to imitate others (e.g., on social media)
Uncertainty about own norms and values
Choice problems and not knowing what you want
Problems with setting (healthy) boundaries.
Fears, fear-based behavior.
Eliminating yourself, unworthiness or often “surrendering” to.
Alienation
Lack of (self) manifestation.
Spiritual materialism or an escape into spirituality or surrender to religious dogma.
Unbalanced Ego Energy
Alternating excessive ego behavior and weak ego behavior
Confusion and chaotic behavior
Indecisiveness or self-destructive decisions
5. Ego related Therapy
Given the great diversity of manifestations of Ego-qi disruption, “general therapy” and “integrative therapy (transcending duality)” are listed below:
General therapy:
(cognitive) Psychotherapy
Transactional (analysis) therapy and drama triangle therapy
Life coaching
Integrative therapy:
Seeing through dualities / The work (Byron Katie) / core quadrants (Ofman) / yin-yang thinking / non-duality thinking
Integrative therapy (body-mind / 7Qi / integrative psychotherapy
Beta/Alpha wave therapy: hypnotherapy, EMDR/Associative therapy
Indirect: all therapy serving other Qi can influence Ego-Qi, e.g. trauma therapy.
Keeping your ego “healthy.
Traveling (literally distancing yourself and experiencing alternative cultures),
Reading biographies and patterns in history,
Team sports (and granting playing together / not playing the hero in the team),
Meditation
Watching documentaries, and
Especially Q-4 'work' such as compassion-oriented work/volunteer work can promote recalibration of Ego-Qi.
In Eastern philosophy, 'service' and 'modesty' are helping beliefs. But note: choosing to do this (occasionally) is a bit different from surrendering to a 'guru' or pretending to be one!
Daniel Ofman Tool: core quadrants
You can use this tool for discovering your pitfalls, allegies and challenges! It is based on the law that your allergy contains allways a learning opportunity! (Or your talent automaticly contains a handicap/pitfall!). Write down your 5 main believes/competences and discover your challenges!
Byron Katie: the Work:
Another tool you can use is the wonderful tool of Byron Katie for discovering your challenge. By asking these four questions you can discover how your deep inner beliefs can be challenged. Maybe start with one of your most intense (negative) beliefs about somebody. Or start finding instruction movies on youtube.
