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Attachment
-Styles
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Discover the impact of attachment patterns on relationships in your daily life, how breaking unsafe attachment works, and how it contributes to greater life happiness
What are (insecure) attachment patterns?
♦ Attachment patterns form the basis of how we form relationships, both with others and with ourselves. Whether you are aware of your pattern or not, it affects your interactions, emotions and the trust you have in relationships. This is why your attachment pattern and that of others is so essential to your life's happiness!
♦ As a result of a disturbed or unsafe emotional bond between your parents and you, what we call an insecure attachment style can develop. This can lead to problems in trust, emotional regulation and relationships later in life. Consider parents who were controlling, very demanding, authoritarian, fearful, aggressive or just absent. As a child, you learned to suppress emotions and adjust your behavior in hopes of still receiving love.
♦ About 50% (!) of us are not securely attached, and we can say that the impact of insecure attachment is vastly underestimated. Insecure attachment is a form of developmental trauma which (often unconsciously) plays an important role in your life. 'Your world is seen through the eyes of your attachment pattern' and it affects your behavior and beliefs, your way of dealing with others and even your physical health. And the impact of insecure attachment on others is something that can truly control your life and the world around you.
♦ On this page you will discover what attachment patterns are, why it is essential to know your own patterns and how to recognize those of others as well. You will read not only about the different forms of attachment, but also about the impact of insecure attachment and how coaching and therapy can help you break your patterns, gain more self-insight and create a healthier, more authentic connection with others and even reduce the risk of health risks.
The 4 basic patterns of attachment (attachment styles):
- Secure attachment - You feel comfortable in relationships, can give and receive trust, and have a healthy balance between autonomy and connectedness. Occurs when a child consistently has loving, reliable and emotionally available caregivers. The child learns that they can rely on others and are allowed to express their needs.
- Anxious-ambivalent attachment - One strongly desires closeness, but is often uncertain of others' love and affirmation. Arises from inconsistent care: sometimes the caregiver responds lovingly, sometimes dismissively or unpredictably. This leads to the child becoming anxious about love and affirmation and clinging to others
- Avoidant attachment - One has a strong need for independence and finds it difficult to become emotionally close to others. Occurs when a caregiver is emotionally distant or dismissive and discourages the child from expressing emotions. The child learns to rely on himself and avoids emotional dependence.
- Disorganized attachment - One experiences both desire for and fear of connection, leading to confusion and contradictory behavior in relationships. Often arises from traumatic or unsafe situations, such as abuse, neglect or a nurturing parent evoking fear themselves. This creates conflicting feelings: the child wants closeness, but at the same time experiences fear of the caregiver.
In this image you can see the 4 attachment patterns and their main characteristics
♦ The theory of attachment patterns was developed by John Bowlby, a British psychologist and psychoanalyst. Later Mary Ainsworth and then Mary Main built on this (particularly on how attachment manifests in adults).
♦ In 1978, the number of securely attached children was still 70%. You often see this number today, but recent studies show that the percentage of safely attached children is lower than previously believed. A 2023 meta-analysis published in the Psychological Bulletin of the American Psychological Association analyzed data from 285 studies and found that about 50% of children have a secure attachment style and thus also 50% have an insecure attachment style (!) due, for example, to increased parental stress, higher divorce rates and less stable family structures.
♦ It can be added that ever increasing speed, (choice) stress and pressure, distractions and impulses (by AI and social media, among others) and violence on media will probably further influence this number in a negative way. High time for more attention to attachment patterns and breaking insecure attachment!
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Attachment patterns
♦ Below you will find in-depth articles about (insecure) attachment patterns and relationship dynamics (both private, and at work). You can read an article by selecting an image or text.
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Attachment Styles
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7Qi is a method for looking integratively at your challenges and living more confidently. Although the coaching practice is closed indefinitely, this site contains information and articles on topics that may be of use to you!
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